I am over people judging me.
No matter what I do I’m always judged from society and I am over it. People really need to stop thinking because a person looks a certain way they must have no brain or has had an easy life. Yes I am pissed. I don’t normally do negative posts, as I always try to look at the positive in everything, but oh my god a girl can only take so much.
I’m not only talking about because of the genre I write ( that’s another story), but every day I normally get some sort of comment about my weight or body shape…”Well what do you know about fat, look at you Miss Perfect.” I bite my tongue every bloody time and feel like saying don’t judge a book by the cover. For starters everyone can look good no matter what size or shape we are, you just need to dress to your body shape and own it. Be proud of your body. Don’t judge me just because I like to get dressed up and take pride in my appearance. It makes me feel good and so what if I don’t want to look like a mum in track pants. Yes I am a mum, but that doesn’t mean I should stop being my own person.
I actually went to drop my kids to school in track pants the other day and my son looked at me and said. “Mum you do know you’re walking us into school today?”
“Yes, what’s wrong with these, they are designer clothes.”
“Yes, they look good, but…” I butted in “… Other mums wear these into school.”
“Yes, but you need to be you.”
I came back in another outfit, jeans of course and boots. He smiled at me and said “see don’t you feel better now.” I gave him a cuddle and said you are so a ladies man, my little man.
Anyway I am getting off track, my point is that if a ten-year old can see that people don’t need to conform into society why do we still judge?
Sometimes I do bite back normally when someone comments about kids… “you don’t know what it’s like to have a big tummy, especially after kids.” I normally say I have three children. The next comment I get is “well you must have been one of those lucky ones that didn’t put on weight.” “No, actually I put on 30 kilos for each pregnancy.”
So I get judged because I was determined to get back into my pre-pregnancy clothes. Talk about kicked in the gut for trying to be healthy and gosh I have to gym it if I want to maintain it. Stop pulling other people down to make yourself feel better. How about looking in the positive of every person instead.
Everyone has had a hard life in some way, don’t judge when you think they are perfect… I have to take care of my body if I want to be around and see my kids grow up. This is why…
I never used to be a size 8 as I grew up, I fluctuated between a size 12 and 14. I know all about how hard it was to buy clothes and not look in the mirror or sigh at the skinny pretty girls. I know why I was big, it was because I LOVED food and still do. However, I used to eat a lot of pasta, bread and it didn’t help the fact that I loved cooking and wanted to be a pastry chef. Sweets were my thing and I would make something yummy everyday and devour it and continue to cook until I got the recipe right. I noticed my pattern and decided against being a chef, but what really changed me was the fact that I got really sick. I don’t mean just a flu or cold I started having episodes of blacking out. The doctors didn’t know what was wrong with me at first. Then one day after dinner at mums at the age of 21 I fell to the floor and didn’t move for three months. I was paralysed and I couldn’t even move a finger and oh god did I try. I never gave up. I knew everything that was going on around me, I heard everyone cry, I could see the pain it was causing, but yet I couldn’t talk, I couldn’t respond to them. Three whole months.
All I could do was blink my eyes. I had to be bathed, dressed, fed. I was bed ridden. We didn’t know what was wrong with me, and of course I dropped weight dramatically and was down to 40 kgs (I started out as 68). Then finally we had a break through and found out why my body went into shut down, I had an overload of wheat… I was a coeliac. I would say it took about a year to get back enough energy to work for a full week weighing only 48kgs, but not from lack of eating, I practically only ate meat and vegetables, back then we didn’t have the gluten-free products like we have today.
I am the size I am not because I am dieting it’s because I can’t go and eat a donut, or a cream bun if I feel like it. I have to be strong-willed and remember what it was like telling my finger to move and it wouldn’t, couldn’t. I won’t say I don’t scoff an apple turn over now and then, because I do. I want to remember texture on my mouth. The taste of pastry. Oh gosh it is so hard to say no to fresh bread. But the day after I have it I hate the tired feeling, the exhaustion, so I try not to do it.
I am this way for my health, please don’t judge a book by the cover.
Especially if you knew me at school. I was the nerdy girl who got straight A’s with glasses and pimples. I never had perfect skin, I was one of those girls that had red raised /purple pimple areas all over my face. I had problems from 14 years of age and I did until about 6 years ago when I had enough of looking at my hideous self in the mirror. After three years of horrible side effects from tablets it was worth it. Though I still can’t take a compliment about my looks as I only see the girl I was. Everyone hates something about themselves, just remember that next time you make a sarcastic comment.
Enjoy life any way you can and embrace your beauty.
P.S. Btw not every woman who has blond hair is a bimbo. People need to stop with the stereo typing. I can be light-headed at times, but I do have a brain and prefer intellectual conversations, even if my friends call me legally blonde sometimes.